2012-03-30

Ten Horrible Movies (That I've Never Seen)

I usually highlight the movies that are my favorites here on TFB, and that's a good time. Today I feel like needling some of my least favorites and yep, these movies are so bad that I don't even need to have seen them to comment upon their poor quality. Enjoy (or don't)!

10) Chariots of Fire
I like running races and all, but you're telling me that this was a better film than Raiders of the Lost Ark? Doubt it.

9) Caddyshack 2
Why does this movie even exist? Sometimes perfection is not to be messed with. Then again, sometimes it is.

8) The Avengers
There have been thousands of movies produced in the history of American cinema, and only one of them that I'm aware of has ever wrecked every single one of my drives to and from my home for an entire month just to film one stupid fight scene. No, I won't be heading to the multiplex to see this one this summer.

7) Titanic
Hear me out. I recognize that it's one of the most acclaimed films of all time, and I generally like the work of director James Cameron. But Titanic had that Celine Dion song. And it passed Star Wars as the highest-grossing movie ever (unless you adjust for inflation), and I did not like that fact one bit.

6) Men In Black 2
I know this puts me in a minority, but I really didn't care for the first one at all. Too much smirking, too much setup instead of punchlines, whatever. Then they made a sequel and added a fucking talking dog in a suit. Pass.

5) The Island of Dr Moreau
OK, OK, I've actually seen this movie, but it was so epically and indescribably bad that I wanted to have it recognized somewhere on this list. I cannot overstate how horrible this movie is. And as long as I'm here...Spike Lee's Bamboozled.

4) Jack and Jill
You know, once upon a time, Adam Sandler was pretty funny - he had a solid run on SNL and some of his early comedies like Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison were genuinely good. Just makes you wonder how he ended up making such an obvious piece of dreck like this, which holds a 3% on the Tomatometer and was nominated for a record twelve Golden Raspberries. Wasted talent. Boo.

3) The Love Guru
You know, once upon a time, Mike Myers was pretty funny - he had a solid run on SNL and some of his early comedies like Austin Powers and Wayne's World were genuinely good. Just makes you wonder how he ended up making such an obvious piece of dreck like this, which holds a 15% on the Tomatometer and was nominated for seven Golden Raspberries. Wasted talent. Boo.

2) Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
The absolute lowest common denominator in the history of cinema. Talking babies are annoying enough (I'm looking at you, E-Trade), and an entire movie of them is an awful, awful concept. But a sequel...wow.

1) The Passion of the Christ
Call me crazy, but I don't see a Jew-baiting snuff film grossing $370 million domestically as a particularly promising harbinger for our society.

1 comment:

John M said...

Move #4 up to #1, it just won 10 Razzie awards, a Record. Also, Baby geniuses 2 I think is one of the lowest rated films on IMDB. I would put those past passion of the christ.