2014-01-28

Blizzard

You may have seen a thing or two about the weather in the Eastern United States of late. It's been wintry, if I may summarize, incorporating key features of winter weather like cold temperatures and snow. We had the first Polar Vortex a few weeks ago, resulting in the first sub-zero Fahrenheit temperatures I can recall since I was a kid.

While I'm here, 0 Fahrenheit is a waste of space. You know what it means physically? It's the temperature of brine, in this case a 1:1:1 mixture of water:ice:ammonium chloride. Because why wouldn't it be that?

We're facing down another Polar Vortex next week, resulting in two more delightful days in the -10's (Centigrade!) In the meantime we're getting some freakish spot blizzards crashing in from time to time. I went to shovel this morning and found a most unusual distribution of snow, thanks to some high winds.

While I'm here, wind fucking sucks. I've hated it ever since I was a kid and it seemed to exist solely to knock my basketball shots offline, and now that it's almost solely responsible for every time I have to deal with uncomfortably cold temperatures, our relationship has not improved. Seriously, though, regardless of what the thermometer says, if there's no wind, it's not really cold out.

I unwisely went for a run after finishing up my shoveling; I'm glad to have the exercise banked now, but it was a chore, especially crossing the Lorain-Carnegie bridge headed west into the teeth of a harsh wind hell-bent on driving icy little shards of snow into my eyes. I love running, but only being able to open one's eyes every 10 steps or so dampens even my enthusiasm.

I've been pleasantly surprised at how infrequently I've heard people who cannot (or will not) understand the distinction between climate and weather crow about how a few days of abnormally cold temperatures represent some sort of refutation of the fact of Global Warming (or Climate Change, if you prefer). It doesn't. I'm shielded from such short-sighted remarks in large part because I'm not on Facebook and I try to mostly steer clear of the right-wing echo chamber (though I did catch wind of Rush Limbaugh saying something insane about Obama controlling the weather), but it's been nice not to have to sigh as often at this as in the past. Why do people still listen to this clown?

Lastly, I'd like to talk about the Dairy Queen Blizzard, one of the finest dessert treats around.

Quick: what did you think of when I mentioned the Blizzard? You thought of an Oreo Cookie Blizzard, didn't you? Nena and I had a discussion this morning where I proclaimed the Oreo Blizzard the king of the Blizzards, the most iconic and popular of them all, the gold standard. This isn't to say that every single person's favorite Blizzard is going to be the Oreo. Even I like to get a Cookie Dough one every once in a while. I'm sure there are people who enjoy willingly ingesting poisonous matter who like Reese's Pieces Blizzards or whatever way they find to put that rubbish inside an otherwise good Blizzard. Nevertheless, to me it's pretty clear that the Oreo Blizzard is the top dog in the world of Blizzards.

1 comment:

Rehan said...

I'm a fan of the cookie dough Blizzard myself.

As per the wind, yeah, it freakin' sucks. When we lived in Omaha, it blew all the damn time. We had snow on the ground for like 5 months, but it was useless. You couldn't go out and play in it because it was windy all the time. I talked to someone from Denver who was like, yeah, it's cold in Denver (mid-20s)F! but it's not windy. So there's an outdoor winter culture. Same for Minneapolis.